I haven’t shed a tear yet today. I consider that a rather large milestone, still feel awful and trying to not place a form of blame that I was not perfect enough for the love I craved from a man I loved that couldn’t exchange it. Slowly I know I am being deleted out of his life. I am always been the one to just get done and over with. Clear out the pictures, the messages, delete the phone number, all messages, all emails, everything that was ever linked to what was an “us”. This one is different. I care so much to part ways with any of these. I have unfollowed, but not unfriend. I have limited myself certain aspects of the knowledge that he is ok. Maybe not mentally but physically he is surviving where ever he is. I have tortured myself and because of that my demon decides to play double dutch on my mending heart strings. These strings are to help place something temporary in my heart the size of the moon. Lately its been too large and only just one strand made a circumference of my heart. It wimpy currently and still cannot shield or even heal but I know its there and I approach that single string.. with a single moment of peace that I know is starting.