Children of Easter

The strain on my heart to have a future seems ever so much more distant.   I went on a road trip to see a friend of 17 years.   Her first born turned a year old.   None of her family really knew who I was.  I felt like an outcast but through the child’s eyes; she was hesitant but waddled her way and sat in my lap for a brief moment before it was nap time.   I felt a warmth in my heart that blossomed more of a desire to have a family of my own.   I know it’s hard work but despite everything and all the darkness I have encountered in my life,  my soul still wants to have a family with or without a partner in my life.    The day of Easter  I played with a 7 year old.   She was giggly and smart and sweet and her laughter filled me with more joy and her parents that are another set of good friends that I envy.  I left to come home to my cat.   The love and affection I get is just enough for me to get out of bed every morning.  There is still a very empty space that resides in me.   The deeper I look into it, the more I am discovering that it is a an endless rabbit hole with twists and turns.

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