Another week down. I went to Walmart after class to pick up a handful of things. I was wearing my uniform from class, I walked like the dead. Brain dead after sociology. I realized that most of everything I thought I knew of what I think I need in my life is extremely trivial and temperamental.
I want happiness, but it’s only in the things that I choose to love. Food. I choose to love food and feeding people. I choose to love my cat, even though she destroys nice things. I want peace, but only when I feel like I can breathe on a day of no obligations. I haven’t had one of those days. I am always somewhere doing something. I want acceptance, but only on my terms that I have be alone in my own skin and mind. I want to feel love.. but all I feel is just rejection. Every.. day, I wake up, open my eyes and listen to my first alert breath of each day.
I stand in line waiting. My eyes catch the tabloids as follows: “Angelina’s secret life”, “Hillary the Russian Spy”, “Time; WW2” and “Trumps war on dictators”.
Send me. Send me to fight for something good. Let me feel something other than internal pain. I don’t want to come back. I volunteer.
But I am just here for Milk, cheese and cat food.